10 Reasons Office Jobs Suck
10. Office Jobs are Full of Ugly People
Unless you work in an office that is featured on Playboy tv or Skinemax, chances are, the majority of the people you work with are ugly. Drew Carrey pretty much nailed it, office jobs are full of ugly, miserable people, who enjoy spreading their misery. My job would be at least 85% better if I had some f*cking eye candy to let me forget I work for a bunch of lazy thankless bastards.
9. Management = Morons
If you work (or have worked) in an office, you've probably come to the conclusion; There is no God. If there were, sh*t like this just wouldn't be allowed to exist. Most of the reason these jobs suck, is because of the people. Yes, your incompetent management and the rancid sacks of sh*t that you work with, otherwise known as co-workers. Sure, everyone has had that ONE great manager in an office job, that you keep talking about years after you've left that job. But, in reality, most people's direct supervisors are f*cking tools! I've picked dingleberries out of the family dog's ass smarter than most of my managers. In offices, it seems, managers seem to resolve nothing, while pissing everyone off at once. I'm not sure how they do it, but I bet it has something to do with a 'management course' they took in college.
8. Anything dealing with food
Working in the IT field, I'm in the office at odd hours for rollouts etc. And let me tell you, I've seen some awful things. Unless it has a wrapper, I won't even think about it, public candy dishes.... those things are petri dishes of gross. On top of that, apparently, several people not only don't eat, they plan on eating whatever comes out of a conference room. The vultures (people who start hovering around a conference room before the meeting ends) begin to circle at least 15-30 minutes before the end of a meeting. As soon as the doors open, these scavengers can clear a serving tray like nobody's business.
7. Commuter Trains
Here's a little secret: If you ever work in an office, let everyone know right away, you take a commuter train at exactly 5:01pm, which means, you need to leave at 4:54 each day to make it home. You know how many times I've heard, "you need to do this for me because, I need to catch my train." Whaaaa???? So, I have to do ALL the work because I don't live in the f*cking suburbs? What kind of a farce is this?
6. Rules Only Apply to Competent, Hard-Working People
As a competent person who has a tendency to hate incompetent co-workers, this is a huge issue for me. Ever heard this? "Well, we just let that slide because, well, that's just Timmy....." So wait, I have to follow rules because I ACTUALLY DO MY JOB AND AM STABLE? Meanwhile, nutcase Timmy says inappropriate things, farts during meetings and generally talks akin to a detuned radio?
5. Crocs
Who the hell ever said these were work appropriate and why do old fat women think it's important to coordinate their entire outfit with their Crocs?
4. All Staff Meetings
All staff meetings are like a colonoscopy, and a swift kick in the nads combined. Instead of discussing topics which the entire office cares about, individuals decide this is their time to stand up and talk at length about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. At the place I currently work, someone brings up the fact that we can't wear jeans, EVERY MEETING FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS! NEWS FLASH: I DON'T EVEN THINK THEY MAKE JEANS FOR HIPPOS.
3. HR
If you've ever watched the show, "Archer," and worked in an office, you probably see the similarities. At first, it's hilarious, after a few episodes and some deep thoughts, it's almost scary. Seriously, I think one of the pre-requisites for HR is that you cannot define the words: privacy, discreet, or petty.
2. All Office Replies
Nearly every time I get an ALL OFFICE email, I start getting an overwhelming feeling of dread. It's because, it's now time for the most unfunny person in the office to reply to everyone, thus kickstarting several unfunny all office replies for the next 30-60 minutes. I don't know how to stop this, but, I'm thinking one good kidney punch would probably do the trick.
1. Politcal Correctness
One thing most offices have had over the years, is the 'water cooler' group, most people have at their jobs. This group is simply a group you enjoy talking to, cracking jokes, or bitching about last night's episode of "The Real Housewifes of Orange County." But, political correctness is taking all the fun out. Sure, I can let people scream and yell at me all day long, but if I make one ambiguous FAT joke, I'm a villain.
Unless you work in an office that is featured on Playboy tv or Skinemax, chances are, the majority of the people you work with are ugly. Drew Carrey pretty much nailed it, office jobs are full of ugly, miserable people, who enjoy spreading their misery. My job would be at least 85% better if I had some f*cking eye candy to let me forget I work for a bunch of lazy thankless bastards.
9. Management = Morons
If you work (or have worked) in an office, you've probably come to the conclusion; There is no God. If there were, sh*t like this just wouldn't be allowed to exist. Most of the reason these jobs suck, is because of the people. Yes, your incompetent management and the rancid sacks of sh*t that you work with, otherwise known as co-workers. Sure, everyone has had that ONE great manager in an office job, that you keep talking about years after you've left that job. But, in reality, most people's direct supervisors are f*cking tools! I've picked dingleberries out of the family dog's ass smarter than most of my managers. In offices, it seems, managers seem to resolve nothing, while pissing everyone off at once. I'm not sure how they do it, but I bet it has something to do with a 'management course' they took in college.
8. Anything dealing with food
Working in the IT field, I'm in the office at odd hours for rollouts etc. And let me tell you, I've seen some awful things. Unless it has a wrapper, I won't even think about it, public candy dishes.... those things are petri dishes of gross. On top of that, apparently, several people not only don't eat, they plan on eating whatever comes out of a conference room. The vultures (people who start hovering around a conference room before the meeting ends) begin to circle at least 15-30 minutes before the end of a meeting. As soon as the doors open, these scavengers can clear a serving tray like nobody's business.
7. Commuter Trains
Here's a little secret: If you ever work in an office, let everyone know right away, you take a commuter train at exactly 5:01pm, which means, you need to leave at 4:54 each day to make it home. You know how many times I've heard, "you need to do this for me because, I need to catch my train." Whaaaa???? So, I have to do ALL the work because I don't live in the f*cking suburbs? What kind of a farce is this?
6. Rules Only Apply to Competent, Hard-Working People
As a competent person who has a tendency to hate incompetent co-workers, this is a huge issue for me. Ever heard this? "Well, we just let that slide because, well, that's just Timmy....." So wait, I have to follow rules because I ACTUALLY DO MY JOB AND AM STABLE? Meanwhile, nutcase Timmy says inappropriate things, farts during meetings and generally talks akin to a detuned radio?
5. Crocs
Who the hell ever said these were work appropriate and why do old fat women think it's important to coordinate their entire outfit with their Crocs?
4. All Staff Meetings
All staff meetings are like a colonoscopy, and a swift kick in the nads combined. Instead of discussing topics which the entire office cares about, individuals decide this is their time to stand up and talk at length about ABSOLUTELY NOTHING. At the place I currently work, someone brings up the fact that we can't wear jeans, EVERY MEETING FOR THE LAST 5 YEARS! NEWS FLASH: I DON'T EVEN THINK THEY MAKE JEANS FOR HIPPOS.
3. HR
If you've ever watched the show, "Archer," and worked in an office, you probably see the similarities. At first, it's hilarious, after a few episodes and some deep thoughts, it's almost scary. Seriously, I think one of the pre-requisites for HR is that you cannot define the words: privacy, discreet, or petty.
2. All Office Replies
Nearly every time I get an ALL OFFICE email, I start getting an overwhelming feeling of dread. It's because, it's now time for the most unfunny person in the office to reply to everyone, thus kickstarting several unfunny all office replies for the next 30-60 minutes. I don't know how to stop this, but, I'm thinking one good kidney punch would probably do the trick.
1. Politcal Correctness
One thing most offices have had over the years, is the 'water cooler' group, most people have at their jobs. This group is simply a group you enjoy talking to, cracking jokes, or bitching about last night's episode of "The Real Housewifes of Orange County." But, political correctness is taking all the fun out. Sure, I can let people scream and yell at me all day long, but if I make one ambiguous FAT joke, I'm a villain.
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